I was in a room full of people recently when I realized that I don't think any of them know me very well. I don't really blame them for this, I blame me. And really, I just met half of them, so partly, I think I was just new. But I think often we edit ourselves somewhat, in order to create a persona that we think will be more acceptable in certain settings. In reality, we hide what we can really connect to others about. The people I really respect and admire in my life are the people who are truly themselves-whatever the consequences. They aren't always tactful, or even nice, (although they usually are). These are people I can relate to.
Last night it was announced that two people in the room were the biggest feminists in the room. One of them even happened to be male! What? I thought. This is a topic that I actually care deeply about and spend quite a bit of time reading and discussing. But of course, I couldn't vie for a position as one of the biggest feminists in the room because a) it's not really a contest b) that would be stupid c) no one even knew my views at all. Because I have kept them quiet, thinking that no one else thinks like me. Which is obviously not the case.
So I pose these questions to you: Do you edit yourself, reinvent yourself a bit for others at times? Or is it just me and the vastly different worlds I live in, Mormon activities, and hanging out with more worldly flight attendants? Or if you don't, is it because you naturally fit into one group more easily, or are just comfortable standing out alone or with others?
While attempting to edit this blog for mass market appeal-(okay really the three people who I know read this blog regularly), I have often made it boring and appeal to no one, including myself. So I announce I am a feminist. (since I didn't last night) and I plan to have more interesting topics on this blog. So there.
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7 comments:
So there!
So unlike you, Michelle :)
Great post. I think you're totally right. We all edit ourselves to some extent, and proportionately to how much we have to lose. I never have anything to lose, so I never edit myself (nearly true), so I must be one of those people you were talking about who can occasionally be tactless. (I swear it's genetic, I get it from my dad)
Anyway, I totally think you should bring up the feminist comment again and challenge this guy. Say, "hey, I heard you're a feminist, so what do you think of chivalry, or Heavenly Mothers?", or something like that. Make him prove it. :)
great blog, btw. let's see more pics.
Fabuloso! You should never edit your awesome self! If they don't like it, tell them to 'sod off!'
I try really hard to always just be myself, and sometimes I definitely shock or offend, but oh, well. This is the package, take it or leave it, muthas!
I think everyone has their days, or circumstances when it is really hard, or impossible to do that... For me, a job interview is definitely that time. Plus, I have to wear a wretched SUIT. Ick!! So, even if my personality is the same, I am only half myself, because, let's be honest, my clothes are a big part of who I am. Take me out of my clothes (lucky you!) and you take me out of my element.
I think we only edit ourselves until we're comfortable with who we are. Not to say that disctontinuing self-editing means that we've given up on growing, changing, and improving. We're just comfortable in our own skin along our journey.
So, with that being said, then a question: What exactly is the definition of a "feminist" nowadays, anyway? I typically just think in terms of "normal people" and "guys who have some growing up to do".
BTW, my actual blog is http://fmyblog.wordpress.com. Comments here don't seem to let me put that on my name *sigh* :-)
Hmmm, the not always tactful and rude people you are referring to...am I one of them. I hope so!
I have thought about this a lot as well. I don't know if editing is all that bad, unless you feel like you are doing it so much that it really begins to bother you. Here is why I think this. As we get out there more in our worlds, we meet many different people. I truly don't think you can be the exact same with every person you meet. I don't mean this in a bad way, and the essence of yourself should always be the foundation. But I admit, I am different with my college roommates than I am with you. I am different with my parents than I am with my students and coworkers, I am different with strange guys who try to pick up on me in Zurich (this is a bad example) than I am with strange guys who try to pick up on me in my singles ward (ok, that was just for laughs, we all know that doesn't happen.)
The thing is, occasionally I like being different me..s, myselfs, and Is. I like that different people know different things about me. My family knows my aversion to red meat and my hatred of dogs ((ok...you know all these things too, but you're different in my life). You know all my cynical and hardened life ideas...etc. My students and coworkers know my passion for Byron and Shakespeare, my proper use of grammar and my OCD tendencies to clorox wipe the desks once a day.
However, the difference here is that all of these people (excluding the odd men I have hitting on me) know at least a part of me, although they are different parts. But, when you are somewhere when a group of people doesn't know you at all, thats when the editing has gone too far.
I have more to say, but I am still so jetlagged!
Too right, Miguel. what DO you think about Chivalry? Good, Bad, Indifferent? Alicia and I talked about this the other night. I give props to women being strong and assertive, but do they still like the idea of chivalry? I enjoy opening the door for women, standing up when one comes to the table, etc. What do you think?
Juanito
Interesting comments. Thanks everyone. A few responses...
I think it's true we do edit in proportion to what we have to lose-I have never thought of it that way. I think the more comfortable and safe we feel, the less we may do so. But seriously, no one can have NOTHING to lose, no?
In relation to this guy, or any other person who claims to be a feminist or anything else, I have no desire to make him prove it (I do believe him, and don't need to) and am more into looking for mutual understanding and interesting conversation than challenging people about their beliefs.
And um, actually, I am really comfortable with myself. Anyone who really knows me knows I think I am hilarious, highly fashionable, pretty smart, the list could go on...my issue here was more communicating these things to new people, people who don't really know me yet. I am more with D'Arcy on this one. There are different parts of me, and what's wonderful about having different types of friends and family is that you can accentuate parts of yourself with some people more than with others, while still truly being yourself.
Apparently chivalry and feminism are of interest, I will do a post on them later... :)
Oh yeah, and I forgot, I think that yes, feminism is hopefully something that is "normal" once people mature, although I think many people are afraid of the word or think it means something way scarier than what it actually is.
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